I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
