My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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