We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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