it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
