if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sarcasm needs its own font
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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