"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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