am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
