She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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