2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
