He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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