She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
