just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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