What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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