I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
