my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
