Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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