So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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