Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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