At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
