Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
