he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
