NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
