God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
