dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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