Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
