I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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