Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
