why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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