make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
not ubering you a puppy
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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