Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
worst night to have a conscience
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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