Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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