I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
