Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
