I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
