I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
where does the pee come out of this thing
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
