And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
