i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
