I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
