I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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