just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
