Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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