I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize