never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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