Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
try to milk me bitch
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize