i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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