btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
