The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
