Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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