I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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