I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Randomize
