I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
