Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
