Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
