drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
