I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your cock deserves a montage
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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