Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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