there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
