Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
