what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
