I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize