I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
