It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
