I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Houston, we have a squirter
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
