He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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