so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someone shit on the floor
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
