maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
