Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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