The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
