wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
