Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
