Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize