so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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