Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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