Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
