He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
