pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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