In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
