You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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