lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
