Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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