Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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