3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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