HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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