I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
