i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
