also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
