never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
