my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
